


Second Hand Heart

by Baccatapages



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Hurt/Comfort, Hydra! Reader, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-05
Updated: 2018-05-05
Packaged: 2019-05-01 18:01:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,079
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14526096
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Baccatapages/pseuds/Baccatapages
Summary: Sam has found love in the form of a horror-novel loving girl with a broken past and a battered heart. All the while, this isn't a story about love, but a story about forgiveness and acceptance of self.





	Second Hand Heart

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own Marvel unfortunately  
> As requested by Shadowqueen1

**7:34 am, 14th January**

Like clockwork, Sam set out on his morning run. 

Thankfully, Cap wasn't joining him so he didn't look like a complete doofus in front of the pretty woman he passed every morning. They passed each other and she gave them a smile and Sam did not want to read anything into it because who was normally next to him? Oh yeah, Captain America. The most desirable man since Adonis. At least today, he would be able to tell whether or not she was smiling at him or Cap. 

Every time they passed, Sam was running and she had her nose stuck in a book. He had registered texts like Vonnegut, Neil Gaiman, Terry Pratchett and Stephen King. Sam didn't know whether to be impressed or surprised but for the sake of not being a jerk, he was going to go with impressed. 

It took physical effort for Sam to remember to breathe, keep running and not trip over his own feet as you approached with a book in hand, It by Stephen King. The sunlight shone overhead, making your (y/h/c) even more breathtaking, your bright (y/e/c) eyes glued to the pages. As they flickered up to meet his, Sam stumbled and he accidentally took you down with him to the ground.

 

**7:59 am 14th January**

'Oh my god, are you okay?' You asked, sitting up. He merely remained gaping at you and for a moment, you wondered whether something was sprained and he was silent from adrenaline. 'You didn't sprain anything, did you?'

'Are _you_ okay?' He asked, finally snapping out of whatever reverie he was going through. 

You frowned. 'Of course. Why?' He gestured to his lip and reflexively, you copied and were mildly surprised to find blood there. Quite a lot. It seemed during the fall, you had split your lip open. 'Oh.' He helped you up carefully, like you would explode at any moment from anger or upset. 

'I'm sorry.' He scratched the back of his neck. 'I'm Sam. I was just so nervous about finally getting to talk to you without Cap being here I kind of...'

'Knocked me over like a bowling pin?' You finished and shrugged. 'I've been through worse. I'm Y/n.'

'Can I get you some breakfast as an apology? I know a great diner a few blocks away.' He sounded so nervous you couldn't help but smile slightly.

'I could eat.' You said, pulling some tissues out of your bag and dabbing at your mouth. Sam grinned. 'Which direction is it?' Sam pointed to the direction Sam had been running towards and you nodded. Carefully, you put your book into your bag and zipped it up. 'I'll race you to the park entrance.' 

You had been sprinting for a total of about five minutes before you saw Sam out of the corner of your eye, panting slightly from exertion. It gave you some satisfaction that Sam wasn't expecting you to run so fast, considering he ran every day, but the reason your endurance was so high was a reason you wouldn't touch. Truth be told, you were running at a speed which was almost child's play for you. 

'Christ...' Sam panted as he slowed to a halt in front of where you were standing by the gate. 'You an athlete or something?'

You shrugged. 'Not really.'

'Okay.' Sam leaned against the gate, clutching at his side. 'I've got a stitch.'

'Let's rest for a while.' You agreed. While Sam was trying to catch his breath, you took the time to get a good look at him. He was quite good looking, but often you found yourself focusing on people's personality rather than their physical aesthetic. If they were good-looking, it was just a bonus.

Something about the woman approaching where you and Sam were resting made you tense. She had fiery red hair, a slender frame and the air of an assassin looking for her next kill. 'Sam, i've been looking all over for you.' She reprimanded, a slight frown playing across her mouth. 'You didn't take your phone.'

Sam rolled his eyes. 'I didn't take you for a babysitter, Nat.'

'You've been called for a mission with Cap and Stark.' The woman, Nat said. 

Sam huffed and turned to you. 'I'm sorry about this. Duty calls. Can we move it to another date? Friday at seven, maybe?'

You nodded. 'Friday works.'

'There's a nice Italian place by the river? Alesandro's?' Sam suggested.

'I'll see you there.' You smiled and left quickly. You couldn't help but feel the woman's gaze on the back of your neck and shrugged it off.

 

**6:02 pm, 4th July**

Sam rolled over, tired and mildly achy from the previous afternoon's activities. A sleepy smile played itself over his face as you mumbled in your sleep from the slight disturbance. A few nights of staying over and it was established that you were not a morning person until at least three hours after waking.

He wondered how he got so lucky, how you chose him instead of Cap. The first time you'd been introduced properly to Steve went about as well as Sam hoped. You hadn't shown much interest beyond platonic interest and Steve was a gentleman. He did tease Sam slightly, only to receive a jab to the ribs.

You were perfect in every way that Sam could think of, despite having one or two disagreements but you two never went to bed angry. When Natasha had spoken with you (read: interviewed), you'd managed to come out unscathed and Natasha looked mildly impressed. Wanda even insisted on doing a quick scan, without your knowledge, and she came back clean. You were funny but serious at the right times, kept a cool head whenever Sam freaked out. An example was when a single friend of his was going into labour and he'd run about like a headless chicken. However, you had kept calm and managed to get both him and his friend to the hospital.

It took all of his willpower to not trace the beautiful lines of your face because the last time that happened, they had ended up in the minor injuries unit and you being very apologetic. He just couldn't help staring at you. 'Take a picture, it'll last longer.' You mumbled into your pillow. Sam grabbed his phone from the nightstand and took a picture, only for you to pop an eye open to glare at him. The effect was slightly lessened, but it was adorable all the same. 'I didn't actually mean it.'

Sam shrugged. 'I dunno, you look really beautiful with your bed head and face shmushed against a pillow-' You scrambled onto him to try and retrieve his phone, resulting in a small wrestling match.

'Victory!' You cried from where you were kneeling either side of Sam's chest and holding his phone in your hand. Sam chuckled and gazed up at you, despite the fact that you were messing with his phone. He remained that way until you placed his phone back on the nightstand and noticed him staring. 'What?'

'Just wondering how I got so lucky.' Sam shrugged.

You considered this. 'Yes, I wonder about that sometimes too.' You said cheekily.

Sam rolled over so you were on your back on the bed and him on top. 'I'm going to make you regret that comment.'

'I welcome you to.' You grinned and moved up slightly to kiss him.

'Sam! Tony-' Peter Parker had burst into the room and stopped at the sight of you and Sam. Sam broke away from you and glared at Peter.

'This better be good.' He warned.

'Tony wants you in the main room!' Peter said, face as red as a tomato. Then he dashed away, thankfully closing the door. 

'I wonder what that's about.' You mused. 

Sam and you walked to the main room only for all the Avengers, who had become quite close with you to shout 'Surprise!'. He turned to you, grinning only to find your expression pinched and tense.

 

In all your years, you'd never had a birthday party. It was sad to hear, but it was true. You'd been in an orphanage from day 1 and they didn't have the money or effort to put on birthday parties. A dear friend of yours had given you a flower once saying, 'Happy Birthday Liberty'. That same flower remained pressed and in a picture frame in your room. When you'd been adopted by Hydra, they hadn't cared much for birthdays. When you weren't training, you were studying, when you weren't studying, you were out in the field, when you weren't in the field, you were training some more and if you weren't doing that? Then you better take the chance to go to the toilet.

You weren't even aware that Sam knew when your birthday was, but perhaps it was Wanda who had passed it on when you mentioned it in passing once. All of this kindness from the Avengers, Sam's friends, made you realise you were getting in too deep. 

After pushing past the avengers who were looking at you with worry, you ignored Sam's calls for you and left the compound quickly. 

You let your feet guide you to the nearest church, an elaborate building with fancy floors and wood and stained glass windows. You spied a confessional box and made your way quickly there, trying not to make eye contact with anyone there. The darkish, confined space was almost a comfort to you.

'What troubles you, my child?' The priest asked kindly.

'I was ordered to infiltrate a... a rival company. And on the way, I fell for one of the heads of the company. I was instructed not to let emotions get the better of me and after they were so kind and threw me a surprise birthday party, I felt like i'd failed.' You sighed.

'Failed who? The ones you work for, the one you love or yourself?' The priest mused.

'All of them.' You shrugged. 'Does the fact that I volunteered to do the job my company wanted make me... bad?'

'Did you believe you were doing the right thing?' You remained silent. 'The act in itself is not really pointing in the correct moral direction, but if you truly feel guilt over your actions, then no. I don't believe you are a bad person. You will be in my prayers to our Father.'

'Thank you.' You said quietly and climbed out of the booth. 

 

**11: 42 pm, 4th July**

Sam didn't say anything as he undressed. He could tell you were still awake because you were completely still except for your breathing. 

'When I was sixteen, I fell in love with a guy who was like a breath of fresh air from my restricted life. Then he was killed under suspicious circumstances and I vowed myself to never let myself get close to anyone again to avoid that heartbreak.' You said into the darkness. 'And when your friends, your family were so kind it just... was too much. I'm so sorry, Sam.'

'You know I had to turn my phone off 'cause the other Avengers were pestering me to find out whether you're alright or not?' Sam slid into bed next to you. 'I'm not angry, y/n. I'm glad you're okay. I'm touched that you felt like you could tell me this.'

They cuddled gently until they both fell asleep, content.

 

**3:51 pm, 6th July**

'How could you be so ungrateful?' The Boss snarled from where he stood next to the torture equipment. 'We clothe you, we feed you, we put a roof over your head, we make you into something great! And you want to throw it away because of _morals_?'

'You forced me to train until my bones cracked.' You said, voice tired from all the screaming you had been doing. 'Hardly a loving family.'

The Boss slapped you harshly. 'That's enough out of you, y/n. I think i'm going to draw out some more pain from you because I wipe your mind with the chair.' He sneered.

You narrowed your eyes. 'How many times have you wiped me clean?'

'Not enough, evidently.' The Boss shrugged. 'How did you think your boyfriend died?'

Your sobs of emotional pain could've been mistaken for physical pain.

 

**9:31 pm, 18th October**

Sam, Steve and Natasha were racing through the halls of the underground base until they found themselves in a large, circular room. They were tasked with getting a pair of important politicians out of Hydra's grasp and Sam's eyes widened when they saw you torturing said politicians. 

'Y/n?' Steve said. 'What are you doing?'

You had been cleaning off the blood from your hands in the small sink, the politicians bound and gagged and bleeding. 'My job.' You said simply.

'But I thought-' Sam choked on his own words.

You turned, a hard expression on your face. 'Thought what? That I was a goody two-shoes? I'm no different to you. I kill people who don't share the same opinion as me. Sound familiar?'

Sam shifted uncomfortably. 'Why are you working for Hydra?' 

You shrugged. 'Perhaps they got me out of the orphanage that was a living hell? Perhaps because they raised me to be something other than a parentless crook? Take your pick.'

'Did you ever even...?' Natasha raised her gun and you were unfazed by the weapon. 'How did you get past me?'

You smirked. 'You're not the only person trained to beat lie detectors.'

'You're being controlled by Hydra.' Sam said, getting desperate. He stepped towards you. 'Let us help you.'

You opened your mouth to reply, but was cut off by Clint smacking you around the head with a lead pipe. Sam caught you as you fell and glared at Clint who shrugged. 'What? Cognitive recalibration. Worked for me.'

**6:24 am, 19th October**

Name: Y/n Y/l/n

Age: Unknown

Parentage: Unknown

Occupation: Hydra Agent

Status: Alive

No. of times brainwashed: 19

Sam sighed and closed the file they'd gotten from Hydra. It had shown some of your medical history and Sam had to excuse himself to throw up once or twice. You had had a hard life and under the control of Hydra at that. Before your mission to capture those politicians, it had been to infiltrate the Avengers Compound. That mission had been labeled as 'FAILED'. It said nothing in her instructions to get Sam to... to fall in love with you.

'Fury's talking to her now.' Steve said, watching Sam closely for any signs of distress.

'Why didn't I see it?' Sam growled. Steve didn't answer, but he knew what your answer would be. ' _The mind sometimes tricks us into seeing what the heart desires_.' 

The Avengers turned their attention to the screen where it showed Fury interviewing you. 

'...Wilson. Why him?' Fury asked.

You shrugged. 'I felt like we could relate.'

'Did you intent to fall in love with him?' Fury asked and you raised an eyebrow.

'What makes you think I fell in love with him?' 

'Natasha's not the only one who can read people.' Fury promptly turned on his heel and left, leaving you to glare after him. 

 

**5:43 pm, 19th October**

Everyone was running around like headless chickens. 

Steve's old friend, Bucky Barnes AKA the Winter Soldier decided to show up and try shooting everyone. Sam's first thought was to make sure you were safe, so he went against the flow of people to where you were being held only to find you had vanished. 'Dammit, y/n.' Sam turned and began to run to where the fight was. 

Tony was flying around, apparently trying to get a good shot. Clint was struggling to shoot at the right time. Nat was bleeding on the ground, Steve under a pile of rubble. The reason the Winter Soldier was being so damn hard to shoot at was because the Avengers did not want to shoot you.

 

You heard the commotion and gunshots. 

Worry for Sam, a somewhat foreign feeling, danced in your chest making you frown. The door burst open and Natasha Romanoff was there. 'The Winter Soldier's here. Either help us or i'll kill you.'

You raised an eyebrow. 'Lead the way.'

Natasha led you through some empty corridors and out to where the Winter Soldier was fighting Captain America. 

'Soldat!' You yelled.

You raised your hands in a jeer. 'Come get me.' 

He and you clashed in battle and it was a desperate struggle between who would back down as you were easily matched. For every punch he threw, you gave one back even harder and you kneed him in the groin once or twice.

Finally, the metal arm won and you stumbled back, dazed from a hard hit. Tony took his chance to fly in and fight the Winter Soldier head on. 

Once Tony was down, you leaped and wrenched the Winter Soldier away in a brutal grip. You held him in a chokehold while he struggled but he managed to throw you off into a collection of shrubs. 

The Soldier threw a punch with his metal arm and you caught it with your right. From there, it was a battle of brute strength. Thankfully, Tony fired at the Winter and he crashed into a building. He was immediately restrained by Sam and Rhodey.

 

**2: 51 am, 17th January**

Some days you just couldn't sleep. The cries of all those you'd killed, tortured, killed and then tortured, were just too loud. 

Sam was used to it. He was never too surprised when he found you on the sofa with a tub of ice cream re-watching FRIENDS. More often than not, he joined you. Other times, it was Wanda or Natahsa, sometimes it was Tony or Steve. 

'How can you ever forgive me?' You asked, leaning against Sam's shoulder with Wanda on your other side.

'People do crazy things when they're in love.' Sam said.

'I guess, but- wait what?' You straightened and turned to him. You didn't care you were missing the scene with Chandler in Vegas at his dad's gay burlesque. 'You love me?'

'We all love you.' Wanda reminded gently.

'But yeah.' Sam smiled at you. 'I love you.'

 

As Steve passed, bleary eyed to go to the toilet, he tripped over nothing as he heard Wanda protesting loudly. 'GET A ROOM!'

 

**Author's Note:**

> All gifs from the internet


End file.
